16 December 2009

BNB Rule #26 Open Mouth...Insert Truth

Everybody requires honesty in their partners, friends, family, etc., but when actually faced with the truth, no one can handle it.  Barenaked bitches aren't afraid to be honest, and if that means hurting people along the way, so be it.  Don't beg for the truth if you don't really want it.

18 November 2009

BNB Rule #25 Toys R U

Everybody does it.  But not everybody admits it.  Who better to touch you than you? Next time you indulge in self love, feel free to explore your options.  Invest in some toys. Make playtime that much more interesting.  Barenaked bitches aren't afraid to explore their sexuality and invest $$ in some earth shattering sex toys.

10 November 2009

BNB Rule # 24 Digital Dating

It's one thing to find dates online; it's another thing to lie about yourself to get more "matches".  Obviously, you're putting yourself out there in the digital world for a reason; you are looking for a companion, looking to get laid, or you're looking for some harmless flirtation.  Barenaked bitches don't need to lie about their likes, looks, or lives; we are what we are and if you don't like it, just click "NEXT".

06 November 2009

BNB Rule #23 Ladies Night

Make time in your life for your ladies.  Whether it be dinner, a movie, or even "Ladies Night" at your favorite watering hole, without your girls, life just isn't as exciting.

22 October 2009

BNB Rule #22 Vice Cream

Life is not worth living unless you allow yourself a few vices...like coffee and cigarettes; martinis and chocolate; tabloids and ice cream. 

15 October 2009

BNB Rule #21 La-Z-Life

Just because it's comfortable and it conforms to your ass does not mean you have to buy it.  Never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

BNB Rule #20 The F Words

Forgive & Forget?   It takes a strong person to forgive, but an even stronger person to forget; it takes a barenaked bitch to do both.

BNB Rule #19 Life is Pain

If it doesn't hurt, it's probably not worth it.  Every barenaked bitch has to endure pain to get through life.  It's just a fact.

13 October 2009

BNB Rule #18 Simple Life

Life is beautiful and extravagant just the way it is, and so are you.  You don't need anything extra to be extraordinary.  Be yourself. Be simple.

12 October 2009

BNB Rule #17 A New Golden Rule

If you can't say anything nice, screw it.  Say it anyway.  Everyone has a right to say what they feel, when they feel it, even you.  So grant other people the same thing. If you don't like it, take it with a grain of salt, and move on.

09 October 2009

BNB Rule #16 Classy Costumes

Just because you're a barenaked bitch does not mean you're a whore...as Halloween draws near, it's time to pick out your costume, head to the nearest party or club, and enjoy the one night of the year where you can be anyone you want to be...except for a whore.  You're better and more creative than a slutty nurse or a Girl Next Door costume.

This year, pick out a classy costume, such as Michelle Obama, a superhero, a vampire queen, or as a character from Harry Potter or Twilight...whatever you do, avoid costumes with the words "bunny", "nurse", "schoolgirl", "secretary", etc...basically, avoid anything that would make you a pervert's target.

08 October 2009

BNB Rule #15 STD (Stop The Diseases)

If every barenaked bitch follows this rule, she can stop the spread of disease:
Cold sore on lips; keep heads above hips. Or, for some, cold sore below hips, keep heads above hips.

30 September 2009

BNB Rule #14 Frenemies

Keep your bitches close, but keep your bitches' bitches even closer. You never know...

28 September 2009

BNB Rule #13 Acquired Taste

Face it...not everyone is going to like you.  Chances are, you are an acquired taste; in fact, most barenaked bitches are.

25 September 2009

BNB #12 Knee-ther Should You

If your partner, male or female, is not willing to put on kneepads, neither should you. It's a two way street my friend.

BNB Rule #11 E!E!E!k

Just because you see something on E!, does not make it acceptable.  You are a bitch, not a stupid gold digging, D-list celebrity whore wannabe, so don't act like one. Even bitches have standards.

BNB #10 Bonhers

Women can get hard-ons too...they're just not as noticeable.

BNB Rule #9 Under Where?

Bras and panties are always optional.

BNB Rule #8 To Kill A...I mean, Tequila

The country song is true...Tequila WILL make your clothes fall off...it will also force you to make out with everyone you see, make irrational decisions, cause you to black out, and probably vomit if you have too much.  But hey, you only live once, right?

BNB Rule #7 Bump In The Night

If you wake up in the morning feeling sore in the hip/thigh/ass area, and your crotch is throbbing, lock that down as a night to remember. Let's just hope you didn't catch anything.

BNB Rule #6 Beer:30

When you're out on the town, and someone asks what time it is, don't respond honestly.  Tell the person it's Beer:30. Maybe they'll think twice about asking you and glance instead at the clock on the wall, which pretty much every bar has as their wall decor even though it's always 20 minutes fast, or their cell phone, which everyone has!

24 September 2009

BNB Rule #5 The Devil Wears Old Navy

It's okay to wear middle class cotton clothing. You don't always need high heels, designer jeans, and a flashy belt. To those bitches who wear high heels and fashionable clothing all the time, or even worse, to an outdoor event such as a fair, or a music festival, you not only look like a choad, but you're just a dumb bitch with blisters on your feet and a beer stained overpriced shirt.

23 September 2009

BNB Rule #4 Long Way Down

Laugh out loud when you see someone fall.  It is funny.  But make sure to help the person back up...even bitches lend a helping hand.

22 September 2009

BNB Rule #3 Vagina Monologues

If you have a vagina, don't be afraid to use it.  Don't be afraid to let it do the talking for you. If men can use their genitals to think, speak, and act, then why can't bitches?

BNB Rule #2 Kid Yourself

We were all dorks when we were children, no matter if we had the coolest shoes, or the most fashionable haircut. If you are ever in the mood for a good laugh, pull out those photo albums, blow off the dust, and reminisce about your past self with your friends and family.  Laughter is good for the soul; and it takes a barenaked bitch to be able to laugh at herself.

21 September 2009

BNB Rule #1 Truth Hurts

Never be afraid to tell someone how you feel.