30 September 2009

BNB Rule #14 Frenemies

Keep your bitches close, but keep your bitches' bitches even closer. You never know...

28 September 2009

BNB Rule #13 Acquired Taste

Face it...not everyone is going to like you.  Chances are, you are an acquired taste; in fact, most barenaked bitches are.

25 September 2009

BNB #12 Knee-ther Should You

If your partner, male or female, is not willing to put on kneepads, neither should you. It's a two way street my friend.

BNB Rule #11 E!E!E!k

Just because you see something on E!, does not make it acceptable.  You are a bitch, not a stupid gold digging, D-list celebrity whore wannabe, so don't act like one. Even bitches have standards.

BNB #10 Bonhers

Women can get hard-ons too...they're just not as noticeable.

BNB Rule #9 Under Where?

Bras and panties are always optional.

BNB Rule #8 To Kill A...I mean, Tequila

The country song is true...Tequila WILL make your clothes fall off...it will also force you to make out with everyone you see, make irrational decisions, cause you to black out, and probably vomit if you have too much.  But hey, you only live once, right?

BNB Rule #7 Bump In The Night

If you wake up in the morning feeling sore in the hip/thigh/ass area, and your crotch is throbbing, lock that down as a night to remember. Let's just hope you didn't catch anything.

BNB Rule #6 Beer:30

When you're out on the town, and someone asks what time it is, don't respond honestly.  Tell the person it's Beer:30. Maybe they'll think twice about asking you and glance instead at the clock on the wall, which pretty much every bar has as their wall decor even though it's always 20 minutes fast, or their cell phone, which everyone has!

24 September 2009

BNB Rule #5 The Devil Wears Old Navy

It's okay to wear middle class cotton clothing. You don't always need high heels, designer jeans, and a flashy belt. To those bitches who wear high heels and fashionable clothing all the time, or even worse, to an outdoor event such as a fair, or a music festival, you not only look like a choad, but you're just a dumb bitch with blisters on your feet and a beer stained overpriced shirt.

23 September 2009

BNB Rule #4 Long Way Down

Laugh out loud when you see someone fall.  It is funny.  But make sure to help the person back up...even bitches lend a helping hand.

22 September 2009

BNB Rule #3 Vagina Monologues

If you have a vagina, don't be afraid to use it.  Don't be afraid to let it do the talking for you. If men can use their genitals to think, speak, and act, then why can't bitches?

BNB Rule #2 Kid Yourself

We were all dorks when we were children, no matter if we had the coolest shoes, or the most fashionable haircut. If you are ever in the mood for a good laugh, pull out those photo albums, blow off the dust, and reminisce about your past self with your friends and family.  Laughter is good for the soul; and it takes a barenaked bitch to be able to laugh at herself.

21 September 2009

BNB Rule #1 Truth Hurts

Never be afraid to tell someone how you feel.